Public Remand (bunnyreaper) wrote in randomosity,
Public Remand

Scene opens to an office set centre stage, decorated with computer, desk, swivel chair, plants etc. There is a well dressed man working on the computer sitting on the swivel chair. The man is focused on his work.

Three knocks on the door, offstage, and the builder enters stage left, the man working at the office doesn't notice him. The builder is dressed in sweatshirt and tracksuit bottoms.

Either characters may have accents or distinguishing features all is reliant on the level the actor wishes to take it.

Builder: Alright mate?

(The man in the offices ignores him)

Builder: We're just going to take the door down and brick you in alright? We'll try not to disturb your work.

(The man does not look up from his computer)

Man: Fine... yes.

Builder: Okay then, but if we do make any noise do tell us and we will er... try to keep it down.

Man:(The Man smiles and looks at the builder) Okay.

(Man returns to his work)

Builder: Alright then... okay... y'know if we do make any noise which is too loud and does effect your work, which we do apologise for now in advance, do tell us so we can try our ever hardest to not make it anymore.

Man: Yes, thankyou. (Focuses on work)

Builder: Right. (Builder looks down, sighs and looks up again at the man) Okay... y'know on my way out, if I do make my way out, if I do make any noise at all whilst leaving your office please do tell me so I may just slice and dice my nipples into confetti and throw myself a silent parade.

Man: Thankyou,(Looks up at the builder from his work) goodbye.

(The man returns to his work and the builder exits the same way he entered. He comes back with bricks which he organises into a pile around which he sets up his brick laying equipment, be it imaginary, abstract utensils or actual props. The man finishes his work, picks up his coat and his suitcase, stands up and turns to the builder, who is knelt down, as he was about to leave.)

Man: What are you doing?

Builder: (Spoken matter of factly and looking up at the man) I'm having sexual intercourse with bricks.

(The man stares at the builder)

Builder: I'm a brick layer. (The builder smiles)

Man: Your a moron. What are you doing?

Builder: I am bricking up your doorway. (Pronounces each word seperately)

(The man puts his head in his hands)

Man: Why are you bricking up the doorway to my office?

Builder: Why do you think I am bricking up your doorway?

Man: I don't know, i've never been in this situation before.

Builder: Never?

Man: Never, I don't make a habit of being bricked into my office.

Builder: Oh. I would think that a man of with your eyes would be used to be bricked into his office.

Man: This, amazingly, is the first time i've been bricked into my office.

Builder: So... a virgin? (Spoken like a paedophile to a child)

Man: Yeah... whatever, your evading the question, why did you try to brick up my doorway?

(Insert various improvisation here)

Builder: I was bored.

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